Notes to Self on New Year's Resolutions

1. DIET!

No costume needed next Christmas – just roll me in glitter and call me a bauble! Donate excess festive food gifts to Foodbanks? (Not all HGV drivers eat like Sumos on steroids, people!) Also, moderate alcohol intake, or poor old liver will be as pickled as a Herring in Helsinki.

2. BOOK RESTFUL HOLIDAY! Just sunshine and shorts. (NB: Do NOT post photos – smartarse mailroom team should be BANNED from using social media. And photoshop. AND ‘Whale Watch’ jokes).

3. CHOOSE PRESENT FOR WIFEY MORE CAREFULLY! Cake-tin shaped bruise SO embarrassing. NEVER again act on suggestions from ELVES OR REINDEER!