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Seven Things You Must Never Tell My Boyfriend

1. I only clean the greasy hairballs from my brush every month.

2. I use other people’s toothbrushes to de-grime my window frames.

3. I keep cockroaches in the bathroom cupboard next to the condoms.

4. When I take off my make-up, I’ll remind him of my mother.

5. My last lover choked on one of the grapes I brought him in hospital. It wasn’t my fault he tripped on the stairs.

6. It isn’t just wine in the glass my boyfriend’s drinking from.

7. The only other person I confessed these secrets to never made it out of intensive care.



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