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Unexpected Reprieve

Father Fitzgerald had always obsessed about how he might die. Diocesan archives described twelve unexplained murders, three electrocutions and one spontaneous human combustion. In recent years, heart attack, strangulation and impalement were common. Due to fear of drowning, Father never went on holiday and the threat of arsenic poisoning precluded all visitors. And so it was, that on the 29th February 2020, parishioners at Saint Fiacre’s were shocked to learn that Fitzgerald had perished from a blow to the back of the head caused by standing on the handle of a garden spade that had flicked upwards and killed him instantly.



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